Join Me In Death
by xXVoodooToyXx
Summary: VAM. Ville's got a physical issue, Bam's got a emotional issue.Plus Bam's getting married to Missy. Ville is completly against the wedding, but will he tell Bam that? Will Ville live to stop the wedding? Will Bam live through the depression?
1. Desire

**_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. If i did, I sure wouldn't be sitting here trying to write a VAM story with no or just a little bit of smut. Primy's like, 'no smut! If you want me to read your Vam nonsense then please don't make Bam and Ville fuck, it's uncomfortable enough already!' She's against the whole VAM smut thing cuz of her friend or something. Hey. she's the one helping me write it in the first place. :) btw, Bam's real bachelor party was nothing like this even if it was at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas. Also, credit to Primy for help even if she's against most VAM. Talent and really good grammer or whateva it's called is all hers. All the big words are hers too. She just HAS to be all poetic like Ville too. [sigh_**

_Italics mean the person is thinking. _Such as Ville thinking _Oh god._ [Don't ask

_Italics also mean emphasis on a word. _Suck as 'Is this _really _happening?' as apposed to 'Is this REALY happening?' you get the point.

_XoXoXo_

Ville stumbled out of the hotel room bed and glanced at the clock. He was late. An hour late. Not that he wanted to be there, but for some reason he _had _to go. He sighed, running his hands through his mess of hair and decided to just skip breakfast, well, seeing the time of day it would have been lunch, and get ready to put on a fake smile and hope, that just maybe it was all a nightmare. But something inside him told him it was happening.

Bam was getting married in a month and it ached to even think about it.

Bam felt a draft and rolled over, feeling for Missy.

"It's fucking freezing." He muttered.

There was no response and he couldn't feel Missy there, and this struck him as strange. He sat up and looked around and it dawned on him that it was already around noon. His eyes bulged and he jumped out of bed.

"Missy!" He yelled. "Why the fuck didn't you wake me up?!"

Missy walked in through the door, and by the look on her face you could tell she had already won the argument before even starting. "I _tried _to wake you up babe! I tried like three times, and you finally got up and went downstairs for about two minutes before you came back in here and climbed back into bed!"

Bam let out a loud sigh. "There's going to be about fifty people coming over in some bus to pick me up for a bachelor party in like ten minutes and I'm still half naked!"

Missy rolled her eyes. "And who's fault is that Mr. "I'm going to stay up till three AM to smoke a pack and chug beer until I puke" huh?" Missy mocked.

Bam whisked past her. "God, you're turning into Ape." He muttered.

The party at the Hard Rock hotel in Vegas was more crowded then Ville had expected and he didn't really know how to react to it. On the bright side, he could blend in and hide but on the downside it was going to be tough getting to Bam. Ville already knew that this night was going to end in nothing but disappointment. He was going to get ignored by Bam all day, just like he was now, and then when he finally did get to Bam, Bam would either be too wasted to even remember the singer's name or Ville would shy away. Then Ville would just feel _worse_ for ever thinking that maybe, just maybe it wasn't all happening and that maybe, just maybe he had a chance. But he didn't. And here he was, standing in a little corner watching Bam laugh with a fellow jackass member from afar while everyone else was going wild and happy with the thought of Bam getting married. Ville felt like an outcast, like he stood out from the crowd. Like everyone was starring at him and whispering "hey, why's this guy here? And why's he all alone?" and this only made him cower away, deeper into the corner where he bumped into Bam's brother Jess.

"Hey dude. Something wrong?"

Ville starred at him blankly. Ville had only met Jess briefly in the past, in a situation just like this one; a party, a crowd, Jess making the first sentence that ended in a friendly conversation. This wasn't what Ville had in mind of a conversation with a Margera, but he figured Jess was all he had to talk to, and he jumped at the chance.

"No, I'm alright. Thanks though. Nice to see you again."

Jess grinned at Ville. "You're too polite, you know that right?" He winced at Ville. "You sure you okay? Your kinda just standing here staring at everything. Plus, you didn't look up when a bunch of girls came in, and I tell you they're hot."

Ville flushed. So people _did _notice he was standing there like an idiot.

"I'm fine," Ville assured him, trying to assure himself. "just…taking it all in."

Ville walked off to find a more private corner to stand in, grabbing a girl's beer out of her hand as he passed by, not bothering to wipe the lipstick off the can before he took a gulp of it, bittersweet. This was all he had left, as he watched Bam happily enjoying his bachelor party thing. He tried getting a good image of Bam imprinted in his memory. After all, this was probably the last time he'd ever see Bam before disappearing from his life. Not that Bam would notice either way.

Missy's picture of a wedding was so different from his own, and they both knew that he was going to get his way anyways because that's how it worked. When it came down to it, Bam was always the one with the power. It was at the moment, when Bam had been telling Johnny Knoxville about Missy's wedding plans and cracking up, that Bam caught a glimpse of Ville. He was sipping idly at a beer, with the blank concentration of a child. Bam wasn't too far, and still Ville seemed so distant and out of it and tired and pale and maybe just a bit…malnourished? He had a smudge of pink lipstick on his upper lip, that imprinted the can he was holding and Bam couldn't help jump to the conclusion that that wasn't his own and it came from someone else. Maybe Ville had been kissing someone? The image made Bam frown for no apparent reason then he watched as Ville started to move. Ville walked over to a girl with the same color of lipstick and Bam expected Ville to swing his arm around her or something, proving his theory. Instead, Ville handed her what appeared to be a now empty beer can.

"You can have your beer back." He said flatly, and disappeared into the crowd.

_Oh._ Bam rolled his eyes at himself. _God, why didn't I think of that? I'm such an idiot. _

Ville wasn't in the mood to do anything but sleep at that point. He caught a glimpse of Jussi from The 69 Eyes and smiled to himself. It was good to see someone he could really talk to show up, and who could maybe carry him back to some other hotel room if he passed out, which Ville had a big feeling he would do. Jussi seemed just as happy to see Ville, probably stuck in the same situation. Ville spent the rest of the party just sitting on a stiff couch talking to Jussi, who even made him smile a few times. It made Ville feel a bit better. Ville reached for his pocket for a cigarette, but suddenly the smell of hard alcohol and rock n' roll seemed too much. What do you expect from The Hard Rock? His stomach ached, and his eyes were giving in, and he was just so tired and weak, and Jussi's shoulder just looked so comfortable…

The last time Bam saw Ville that night was around the end of the party, around 3 in the morning. He was on the couch sitting right next to Jussi, with his head against Jussi's shoulder. They were both sleeping. Bam raised an eyebrow at them, and just starred for a moment. He backed away to watch them from a bit farther distance. A half hour later, Jussi was carrying a sleeping Ville out the door.

_What… the… hell?_

A million things came across Bam's mind at the sight. Did Ville _know_ he was being carried away? Did Ville _want _to be carried away? And where did Jussi plan to take him? another hotel room? And _why?_ It all looked pretty sketchy.

"Hey, what's going on?" Came Jess's voice from next to him.

"Don't know, but it looks wrong." Bam said carefully, hoping he wasn't the only one to think so.

Yeah." Jess nodded.

Bam ignored the sound of shattered glass, and a drunken Mat and Jonny from the band Kill Hannah making out on the bar counter, Mat ontop of Jonny.

On second thought...

No, Bam had better things to do than pry Mat off of Jonny. He always assumed the day they would fuck each other would come soon anyways. Mat was such a flirt around Jonny...

Bam shook his head and turned away from the two and went to tend to the other awkward couple.

Bam quickly walked over to Jussi who was already quite a few feet away.

"Hey Jussi!" Bam greeted with a smile. "What are you _doing?_" Bam laughed.

Jussi looked kind of relieved to see Bam. "I promised Ville I'd take him back to his hotel room if he passed out."

"Oh." Bam said, still thinking there might be something wrong with that sentence.

Jussi seemed to have noticed Bam's reaction. "I'm just carrying him back, setting him down somewhere and leaving." Jussi smiled.

Bam held out his hands. Could he really trust the guy that once made out with Ville out of the blue in front of a camera, to carry him back to a hotel room drunk? "Oh. Okay then. Well, I'll take care of him."

Jussi hesitated for a second, but passed Ville over to Bam. Bam wasn't even sure if he _could _carry Ville, but he was surprised at how little Ville weighed. He was sure that Ville had weighed more before.

"Take care." Jussi yawned and waved as he walked out the door to head back to his own hotel room.

Bam nodded and watched as Jussi left, leaving him completely alone.

Aside from Mat fucking Jonny.

Ville opened his eyes and noticed Bam passed out right next to him on a bed. Ville was on his side, facing Bam. He wasn't sure if it was a dream, so he stayed still. Bam was _right there, _and he wasn't with Missy or anyone but Ville. Ville had Bam all to himself, even if it was a dream, or if it was just for a little while. It was nice, and the more Ville thought about it, the more he wanted to cry. Bam being next to him made Ville want him more. It was going to be even harder to let Bam go, but there was no way Ville could hold him back. Ville took in the surroundings, one of the hotel rooms at The Hard Rock. He guessed they were at Bam's hotel room, Bam's shoes on the floor, his sunglasses, cell phone and a beanie on a bedside table. And a skateboard. When'd he bring a skateboard to the hotel? _why?_ It all screamed 'Bam's room' and Ville felt his stomach sink at the very thought.

Bam stirred, and sat up, rubbing his forehead.

"Oh god, my head hurts." He whispered to himself.

A horrible pain pierced through Ville's stomach, and he winced. What was _that _from? At this point, Ville didn't care if he was dreaming or not, or if Bam knew he was awake or not. He let the tears emerge in a silent cry, because this was easier than keeping it all inside. His stomach ached again, and this only made more tears form as he doubled over in pain. Ville caught what looked like Bam starring at him through the blur.

"Hey," Bam's sweet voice cut in. "You're awake… what's…wrong?"

Ville blinked away the blur, wanting to see Bam's face really bad. He didn't answer Bam's question, his throat was a knot, and he feared that if he opened his mouth he would tell Bam everything. He couldn't risk that. Bam seemed to understand and sat in silence, looking straight ahead. Bam didn't know how to sooth someone. He had never had someone comfort him, so he didn't know what he was supposed to do to comfort Ville. Staying in silence was the only thing Bam could really do, knowing that there was no way he could make it _worse_ by not saying anything. Or could he?

"Does your stomach hurt or some--"

"I'm sorry." Ville stuttered. _I'm sorry… for wanting you all to myself. It's merely selfish thought, but I …can't help it._

Bam layed back in bed and turned his body to look at Ville. They stayed in silence, staring at each other.

Bam grinned. "I've never seen someone cry over falling asleep at a party." He joked.

Ville wiped away at some of his tears. "Well, it was an awesome party. I was afraid I missed something important." Ville replied sarcastically. Bam chuckled and drew Ville in, holding him in his arms.

"Stop crying alright?" Bam smiled.

Ville flushed. Here he was, crying to Bam. What would Bam say if Ville told him _why _he was crying? Ville tried ignoring it, and concentrated on enjoying the moment. He had never been in Bam's arms like this before. He had just the right mind to cry forever, so Bam would never let him go. Maybe. Maybe it wasn't a complete nightmare.

"Hey, did I tell you Mat, you know, Kill Hannah Mat, is fucking Jonny right now back at the bar. Right on the counter."

"Oh my god."

_**To be continued in chapter two. Otherwise you wouldn't get the answer to the underlying questions: Is Bam getting married? Will Ville tell him everything? And wtfxup with Mat and Jonny[no, they arent in the story anymore. I figured I had to add some type of smut and Primy is actually pro MatxJonny so yea.**_

_**Ah, and the other questions from things you might have missed: Why does Ville look "tired, and pale and maybe just a bit….malnourished?" Why is Ville's stomach aching? Why is Bam smoking a pack a day? Bet you didn't think of those questions. And yes, there is an answer to these but you'll have to find out what they are.**_

_**Please review and give me the will to continue on.**_


	2. Inners caving

Ville woke up in Bam's arms in a delusional state, burying his face into Bam's chest. '_This is nice.' _He though for a moment, almost certain he was dreaming, but the longer he stayed frozen in position hoping he wouldn't wake up, the more he realized he _was _awake. He felt his body go completely numb, as he realized it. '_This… IS real.' _Bam was still asleep, holding Ville without _really _holding him; he had no idea he was doing it. Maybe this was a good thing? Ville couldn't help think that maybe, just maybe, if Bam were to wake up just then, he'd jump out of bed saying "What the fuck?!" and staring at Ville like he was crazy, no memory of it at all. Of course, Bam wasn't drunk last Ville knew, so most likely he _would _remember it all. The party, the talking…the crying. The holding. Ville shook the thought and listened to the soft beat of Bam's heart.

Bam took in one of those long breaths, the ones that signified he was about to wake up. Ville closed his eyes, taking it in before it was all over….

Bam rubbed an eye with one hand, still holding onto Ville with the other arm. His arm returned to holding Ville, then Ville felt Bam go still.

"Ville?" Bam whispered with a slightly amused tone.

Ville's eyes shot open at the sound of his voice. He stayed in silence for a second, wondering what it was that Bam was about to say. _"get off me."? "What the fuck is going on?" ? _

"Hm?" Ville managed to get out.

Bam was silent for a moment, but to Ville's surprise he had yet to let go.

"My head is killing me."

Ville smiled. "Good morning to you too."

Bam chuckled. "Yeah."

They still remained in the same awkward position. It seemed as if Bam really didn't notice how awkward it was. Either that, or he just didn't care. Of course, Ville was still a bit uncomfortable, even though all he wanted were moments like this.

"Hey… Bam?" Ville squeaked.

"Yea?"

Ville broke away from Bam to look him in the face. Bam's face looked pale… and soft… and he had a slight smile setting on his lips, lighting up his blue eyes in a way that made Ville's heart jump and his mind stop, his words catching as he tried to choke them out.

"I wanted to tell you something." Ville said sheepishly.

Curiosity painted across Bam's face, and the face he made only made it harder for Ville to form words. _Way_ harder.

"F-forget it." Ville managed to say, climbing out of bed.

Bam followed him. "What is it?!" Bam laughed.

"I can't tell you yet."

"Tell me now dammit!"

"No."

Bam pinned Ville to the nearest wall with a grin. "Tell me."

Ville sighed. "I wanted to tell you that I.. can't be at your wedding." He said quietly.

Bam's face dropped. "_W-what_?"

Ville looked down at the floor as Bam let go of him.

"Why?" Bam furrowed a brow.

"I'm… against your--"

Ville stopped, a sharp pain shooting through his body.

Bam stared at him, confused.

It took a while for Ville to locate the source of the pain. The pain pierced through his abdomen, bringing him down to his knees with a slight gasp.

There was another burst of pain and Ville reduced down to a little ball on the floor, hugging his stomach.

"Are you alright?"

Ville managed to look up at the fear on Bam's face, his voice was shaky.

"it… hurts--"

Bam sat in the living room, smoking a pack of cigarettes. He wasn't really used to cigs yet, but they calmed him down, and recently he had started smoking quite a lot. Missy, unlike Jenn, scolded him when he did things like that. She did it mainly because she cared. For Bam's best interest. Jenn never gave a fuck about what he did, which is probably why it didn't work out. Bam _wanted _someone to say "Go to bed." at only midnight, instead of staying up with him, drinking until 3am like Jenn did. Bam didn't want someone like _himself._ He wanted someone who _wasn't _like him. At least, _too_ much. And here he was, being scolded by Missy, and he wasn't sure whether that's what he wanted or not at the moment, but he did know that he wasn't quite listening to anything she said. He wasn't himself.

"Babe, you've got a problem. You gotta stop smoking like this."

"I don't have a problem." Bam frowned. '_For all I know, I probably do.'_

Missy sighed and sat down next to him. "What's wrong babe? Didn't you like you're bachelor party?" She said, with a little pout.

Bam rubbed his head. "Oh god, I _hated _it. I got this major headache from it, and god, am I tired."

"Any strippers?" Missy asked, curiously.

"Yeah. Tons. I had lots of fun with them."

Missy frowned.

Bam laughed. "I'm kidding. The closest we had to that was Matt and Jonny--" Bam stopped and shook his head. "never mind."

Missy raised an eyebrow. "O…kay. I thought you were supposed to be back two hours earlier though."

"Yeah. I took Ville to a hospital."

"what?!"

Bam shook his head. "I don't know what happened." He curled up on the couch and closed his eyes. "Worst time of my life." He muttered.

Missy ran a hand through his hair. "You'll be alright."

It had been three days and Ville had thrown up seven times. He hadn't been able to eat anything without _thinking_ about throwing up, and he didn't want to do anything. He was drained, and weak, and pale. And bored. The hospital was in Vegas at first, but they had transferred him over to a hospital in West Chester out of request. It was easier to be in a place that he partially knew instead of the rush of Vegas, a stranger all of it's own. He had done nothing but sleep and puke, and moan and cry and think. Oh did he think. When you have nothing else to do, you can't _help _think about everything going on outside the confinement of the bleak hospital. A nurse named Katie tried to cheer him up every time she came by. She was a beautiful woman actually. The body of a goddess, porcelain white skin, catty green eyes with naturally curled sets of eyelashes and naturally bleach blonde hair that came down in ringlets over her shoulders. This was a classic example of what Ville found attractive in a woman, but even if she was the prettiest woman Ville had ever seen in his life, and she actually _tried _to make conversation with the sweetest, most polite voice, Ville couldn't help notice her nurse outfit and think '_Oh god, I'm in a hospital,' _so her constant efforts of making Ville happy only taunted him with realization, and sunk him into a deeper depression.

"You'll be out of here in no time." She said softly.

"They don't even know how to fix me yet." Ville said bitterly. Ville had been bitter to everyone the past two days. He was polite on the first day, but now he just didn't care.

Katie smiled. "They'll find a way."

"It'll be too late by then."

"You're not going to die you know it's just--"

"No. It's not that." Ville whispered.

Ville counted the seconds that passed by, pleading the seconds would go faster. 1.2.3.4.5.6. Then, Ville realized, that the faster the time went by, the closer it was to the wedding, and suddenly he wanted time to stop, and wait for him to get out of the hospital. 6.6.6. It was no use. Time did not stop on his account, and neither would the wedding. After all, he had already said he wasn't going to it anyways. If he had just stayed in Bam's arms a moment longer, then maybe, he could have told Bam and Bam would have changed his mind. Ville shook his head. That wasn't a possibility. Bam was so in love, and it wasn't with Ville.

"Missy." Ville whispered with a smile. He had always liked Missy from the start. She was nice, protective. Cute. If there was one person Ville had to give Bam away to it was her. If it wasn't for his selfish desire, the desire he would never fulfill. He had always disliked Jenn. She was too rebelling, too destructive. When you add a negative to a negative, all you get is a negative. You can't add Bam's ruthlessness to _more _ruthlessness. All it causes is massacre of hearts. Bam found this out the hard way and Ville was glad he did. But still. Ville had known it wouldn't work out with Jenn, so she wasn't a threat. But what was he supposed to do about the perfect woman that had a hold of Bam's heart?

Bam didn't notice until one and a half packs later that there was something wrong. _Since when do I smoke...a lot? _He hadn't been able to sleep, and his senses had died; he could no longer smell anything but the smoke or taste anything but bitter. He felt no pain.

Bam had never been good with his emotions. Bam once had a stuffed bear when he was about two, and had grown up with it, and even took it to school. A toy like that, is obviously precious to a kid, and they have a special bond with it. It was easy back then. You didn't need friends when you had a toy like that. The first day of first grade, was the day that Bam had shown sign of actual emotion towards something he truly loved. A third grader, one of the biggest boys at school, twice the size of Bam, had taken his teddy bear, and ran away, laughing. The third-grader tripped on a girl's jump rope and fell face first into some gravel on the black top, slowing him down. Even as the kid was on the floor, bleeding from a broken nose and in tears, Bam lunged at him and started to let out all his frustrations. He kicked and punched and pulled and scratched and bit, even as he himself had started to break down in tears and his hands were going red. It wasn't just about the bear anymore. It was way beyond that at that point. They had sent him to the principal's office, and he sat in a stiff chair, his eyelashes still spiked from the wetness of the tears, a few small blotches of blood on his favorite white shirt. The wait was one of the toughest waits of his life. He sat, afraid of seeing his mother's face, afraid of her saying "I'm disappointed in you." and as he sat, he thought of the worst thing his mother could say. But what she said, he hadn't expceted.

"You beat up a third grader?" Bam had looked up at the amused face of April, and started to cry.

April had scooped him up and held him tight, with a smile on her face, still amused at the fact that her first grader had beaten up a kid two grades ahead of him. Her son beat someone up because he was "emotionally unstable" as the principal had said. April had thought of it as standing up for himself. She had never thought that the principal might have been right.

How was Bam going to fight through his emotional problems _now_? He had no way of doing it. He couldn't use his fists or words to protect himself. It was all inside, decaying away his insides. Plus, when he messed up, there was always someone there to help him through it. The only person he had at the moment was Missy, and he didn't even know why he felt so terrible, so running to her might make it worse. Something felt wrong. He picked the moment, a month from his wedding, to realize he had never been truly happy. And he still wasn't. And here he was. Fighting back by killing himself. His insides already felt dead, the cigarettes could do no more damage. The damage had been done long ago.

"You were starving yourself. Your body didn't grow accustomed to the quick change in you're eating habits, and as it failed to collect nutrients it gave up completely, and started to reject any type of food." The doctor said slowly, making sure Ville understood.

"In other words, because I didn't eat before, I can't eat anymore?"

"Something like that."

"That's stupid." Ville muttered.

The doctor went silent. "We can put you on a rehabilitation system, to try to get your body accustomed to actual foods. If it doesn't work, we'll have to resort to IV feeding."

"Or death?"

The doctor blinked. "If all fails then--"

"I'm dying?"

The doctor obviously wasn't trained in breaking bad news to people. Ville kept shooting harsh troubling questions at him, but at this point, Ville didn't care that he was being malicious towards the stranger doctor who was merely trying to nicely tell him he was dying. Ville just didn't care about other's feelings anymore, much less his own. It wasn't because he knew he was dying that he was being so rude. It was because he was bored, and he felt terrible. He wasn't going to be able to stop it. The wedding. His own death. The desire for love.

Any of it.

He was going to grieve about his loss until his death. Not the loss of himself, but the loss of hope. Expectation and hope was gone, and it was all because he starved himself? He didn't even _know _he was doing it. So why? Why now? Of all times? Would he ever see Bam again? Ville had once thought about suicide. Actually, he had thought about it much more than he would like to admit. He wanted to hurt the people that loved him, that caused him pain. Of course, then is when he had realized the bare fact. Once you die, you can't come back to see if anyone misses you. You can't watch them cry, or blame themselves. You can't prove that you did any damage at all. Once your gone, your gone. Ville wished he had died before he knew this. He could have at least looked forward to seeing Bam's reaction. _Would _he care? Now, he knew, this was another question about Bam he would never get answered. Ever.

Regret was something Bam never really remembered feeling. He had always done whatever he wanted, knowing it was what he wanted to do. What was done was done. He was never afraid of jumping into situations. From doing Jackass stunts, skateboard tricks, and just crazy junk, he never put thought into_ any_ of it. '_Looks fun. I'm doing it.' _is all he ever thought when it came to opinions. He had never once thought otherwise about something. And now, this was becoming a problem. The guy that did whatever the fuck he wanted, didn't _know _what he wanted. He couldn't think '_looks fun. I'm doing it'_thinking about marriage, and maybe he had seen that too late. The fact was, this wasn't just a crazy stunt. This was going to affect his entire life, and he couldn't just mindlessly _do it _for the hell of it. The whole marriage thing always had seemed like a joke.

"_Hey Missy. Let's get married!"_

Had he been too careless about it? Mindless, playful, sure, _stupid?_ Did he seriously want to get married, or was this just another thing he was jumping into without giving it thought?

Bam threw the remaining half of his second pack of cigarettes onto a table. He stared at them hard, and picked them up again. He remembered how he never liked the way Ville would smoke whole packs a day. Similar to what he was doing. They both knew it was killing Ville inside, but Ville didn't _care. _He never parted with the habit, he never thought of it as a problem, addiction…

..sin.

He said it was merely a hobby. It was something that passed the time and made him feel better.

It was just part of who he was.

Of course, Bam was different from Ville. Smoking was not apart of who _Bam _was up until the point that his emotional instability came back. The fact was, Bam's emotional problems had never actually went away. His whole life he dealt with it. He had never truly had a friend through school. He was a loner, a outlier, an outcast, a freak. It was something that tore him up inside, especially during puberty, which people say is when teens are the most unstable with feelings. He began high school as a chameleon, merely blending in with everyone. Unseen, unnoticed, uncared for. He would cry himself to sleep every night, he would make lists of things he needed to improve who he was, with the slight hope that he would fit in and be happy. By the time he was a junior in high school, his heart had frozen over, and the side of him that beat up the third-grader had came back. He stopped caring about everything. He decided to just not give a fuck. About anything. It released him from his troubles and he had a twisted happiness, but it was the only happiness he had.

Bam got up and walked over to where Missy was in the kitchen. She turned to face him, and Bam held the remains of his cigs out to her.

"Wha--?"

"Take them. Hide them. Get rid of them."

Bam couldn't help admit that smoking had become much more than just a hobby. It had become a morphine for his pain.


	3. Secrets glow

_One week. _Ville thought, staring at the clock. He had been there one week and he was already yanking out locks of his hair in frustration. He was already sobbing so loud that the nurses would run to his room thinking one of his organs had burst or something. He already refused to eat anything and thrown two trays of food at a wall. He _had _to eat something, but being in the hospital made him not _want _to eat. Which of course was a loop affect. The less he ate the longer he stayed and his rehabilitation was going no where. He had thrown up six more times, blanked out three times and forgotten who he was twice. Insanity was killing him more than anything at the moment, and he knew this. He had already come to the conclusion that he would die before the wedding even happened, or if he was unlucky, he would still be in the hospital long after the wedding was over. Bam had come to visit him everyday, but Ville refused to see him the last two times. He didn't want Bam to see him in that state. Plus, every time Bam would come over, he would sit there in silence, as if he was just there out of obligation. Bam had a wedding to attend to, he shouldn't have ever wasted time going to see Ville. His stomach still ached, and sometimes the pain, not just of his stomach but of everything, would cause him to scream.

Heartbreak, insanity, and disease were a lethal combination.

Bam didn't notice what he was doing until his cell phone rang, snapping him back to reality.

"Oh…God."

Bam's hand was shaking as he held the razorblade closer, in disbelief. No matter how hard he looked at it, it didn't change the fact that he had no idea what he was doing….

…and that there was a line of blood running down the entire length of his arm that he seriously didn't remember making.

He dropped the razorblade onto the floor and stared at it. He bolted out of the room down the stairs calling for Missy.

Missy was talking to April on the couch, laughing. Bam ran up to Missy, ignoring April, ignoring that they were going to see it.

"Missy!" he said, impatiently.

Missy and April turned to him, their faces going white.

"Oh my god!" They said in unison.

"What did you _do_?!" Missy asked, grabbing his arm.

Bam jerked away at the sting, Missy's thumb smudging the blood. "Where the fuck did you put the cigarettes?!"

"Bam!"

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?!"

"STOP IT!" Missy yelled. "What the FUCK is WRONG with you?!"

"Bam took in a deep breath. "I don't _know _Missy. Just, please, tell me where they are before I slit through a vein."  
"Melissa, don't tell him." April warned.

Missy went silent. Bam shook his head. "I'll find them myself."

"_Dearest Bam._

_I wish you a happy … long life. I hope with all my heart that you will forever be loved by Missy, and vice versa, although I never truly accepted the fact that all you're love was hers…._

_And not mine._

_For as long as I can remember I selfishly wanted your love, your heart, to be mine and mine alone. _

_I always believed that I belonged in your arms. I wanted that smile that lights up in your beautiful blue eyes to be directed at me, and no one else._

_For this, I beg for your forgiveness with full sincerity. I didn't deserve you for myself, and although I tried to tell myself this, _

_I couldn't help loving you. _

_My death was my own fault and I hate the fact that I killed myself before I could let you know how much I adore you._

_Goodbye my darling."_

A few tears escaped onto the paper smudging the fresh ink. Ville quickly tried to keep from crying again, knowing that once he started crying again, he might not ever stop. Was this really goodbye? Ville closed his eyes, trying to imagine how long it would be before he was gone. Would he be aware of it? Or would it happen in his sleep, although he wasn't getting very much of that. Would it hurt, or would it just feel like relief? Ville felt his insides tearing themselves apart. Another burst of pain, another scream.

His body was killing him.

Bam felt as if he was going insane. He _was _going insane, and he didn't know why, but it scared him. Why did he have to hurt himself to let out his emotions?

His emotions were killing him.

Ville woke up to the sun coming in through the hospital room window. He had actually slept. It was the worst sleep of his life, but it was the first time had had really fallen asleep since he had arrived. The familiar nurse, Katie, walked into the room holding a tray of food. Food was over exaggerating. It was basically some type of soup and a small container of red Jell-O, a piece of toast and a napkin. Ville smiled to himself. There was probably a better chance of eating the napkin.

"Set it aside." Ville said quietly.

"You have to eat." Katie frowned.

"Not now." Ville curled up into a ball in the thin blanket. He didn't feel like eating, despite the fact that he had to. He felt like seeing Bam.

Bam flipped through his albums in his death metal jukebox. He pressed a few random buttons, until a song started playing, turning up the volume to the max, which would surely wake Missy, but he didn't care. He had decided to make another effort to get rid of it. All of it. The cigarettes, and now the razorblade which he was afraid he would turn to once he didn't find cigs. Bam picked up the razorblade and the pack of cigarettes from the floor where he had set it down, wondering how to get rid of it. Toilet? Burry it?

"_Let me wake up in your arms. Hear you say it's not alright. Let me be so dead and so gone. So far away from life. Just close my eyes. Hold me tight. And burry me deep inside… your heart." _Ville's voice seeped from the jukebox. Bam had always wondered how Ville wrote all his songs. Did he just sit there and make up the words? Were they just naturally in his mind, waiting to come out? Bam had always found something about the words to his songs strange. Bam shook it off, and turned back to his items. Then is when Bam realized, that he really wanted to go see Ville. The razorblade, the cigarettes… it was right in front of his eyes. Bam had thought he had nobody to talk to, when Ville had really been there the whole time.

Ville had been a bit more cheerful that day. He wasn't sure why. Maybe he had just been cranky the entire time from lack of sleep. Still, his mood did not last very long, and he found himself singing every one of his songs that he had written. He had given up on it though, mainly because it was too painful. They reminded him of a certain someone, and Ville scolded himself for creating so much love songs based on true feelings. He was bad at falling in love, mainly because he went over board. In Bam's case, he couldn't help it. He had stayed up several nights just singing at random, and writing songs with him in mind. Ville's very tattoos had a strong connection to Bam. It was Bam who had liked the tattoos and copied Ville, but it made Ville happy. It made Ville feel connected to Bam. His own tattoos had a whole new meaning. They weren't just tattoos anymore. They were tattoos that Bam liked. They were tattoos that had also been etched onto Bam's very skin. They had also gotten a few tattoos together, mainly really silly tattoos that other people would find embarrassing. Ville cherished them. They were little memories that made him laugh. Ville lifted his shirt a bit and touched the heartagram tattoo on his abdomen. Would Bam forget why he got the tattoos once Ville was gone? Ville's stomach ached again, and he buried himself under the blanket, wishing it was all gone. When was this hell going to freeze over?

Bam felt relief as the hour he had spent arguing with the nurse had paid off. He walked into the room, slowly, quietly, hoping not to disturb Ville incase he was asleep. What Bam found though, he was not ready for. Ville was curled up in a ball, a lump underneath a blanket, shaking, weeping hysterically, his back toward the door. Bam reached out to him, touching his shoulder.

"Ville?"

Ville jumped up, the blanket flying up before it landed over his head. Ville sat still, taking no action. Bam tugged it off of his head, revealing big, irritated red eyes that were glossed with tears. He looked as if he had been crying for three days straight, and right then it occurred to Bam that he _had _been crying for days on end, who knows how many. Despite the tears still outlined down his pale cheeks, he had completely stopped crying.

"Are you alright?" Bam sat on the edge of the bed.

"Your arm." Ville whispered.

Bam instinctively touched the line running down his own arm in embarrassment. "Yeah." he said quietly.

"What happened?" Ville asked carefully, his voice still catching from crying.  
Bam went silent, thinking hard. He couldn't remember doing it, he didn't know why he did. He looked down at the tile floor.

"I don't even know." Bam sniffed.

Bam had completely blanked out for a while, and found himself crying, babbling, as Ville gently stroked his back, listening to every single word with the deepest fascination. He had told Ville everything. How he felt so unhappy, unsure. How he was having second thoughts about Missy, how he just wanted to curl up and die. How he had a smoking problem, how when he tried to stop he'd just end up doing something worse. Here he was, blabbering about his own emotional problems, while Ville was obviously dying. Really dying. Bam stopped crying for a second, blinking away the tears. Ville was dying. Ville was going to leave this earth. Bam would never get to run around some random country with Ville, drink with him until they passed out in the bars, do a silly dance with him, rock out with him on a concert stage, show him his new skate tricks, sing along to stupid songs with him… it was all going to be gone. He was losing everything.

Including his best friend.

"…you're fucking dying." Bam cried into his hands.

Ville's hand that was rubbing Bam's back wandered over to his arm, gently gripping onto him.

"Don't let that worry you," He whispered.

"But--"

"you have better things to worry about." Ville smiled. His smile, though, did not reach his eyes.

Ville woke up screaming for Bam at 1:05am. He had been held down by two nurses at 1:23am. Already a bad start to the day. Saturday, February 3 . The day of the wedding. Ville had thrown up twice in the past hour, screamed in agony four times, woken up seven patients, pissed off three nurses and given up once. He sat up in bed, completely still, staring at the wall with no emotion on his face. He didn't know why. Maybe, he figured, if he stayed still long enough time would stop. Of course, the clock ticked, mocking him with realization that there was no way he was going to stop it now. He smashed the clock on the floor and crouched down next to the shattered pieces, tears running effortlessly onto the cold tile floor.

Bam was already awake by 5am and layed still, listening to the soft breathing coming from Missy to his right. It was the day. He hadn't yet figured out whether he should cancel the wedding. He figured he was just going to go through with it, and hope that he'd be happy. Of course, he wasn't happy NOW, so how was he going to get happy after he was married? Plus, Ville had said he wasn't coming to the wedding. Of COURSE he wasn't coming NOW, being at the hospital, but the very fact that he hadn't PLANNED on coming in the first place confused Bam. What was it that Ville had been trying to tell him that night?

"_I can't come to your wedding."_

"_I'm against--"_

Had he have been trying to say he was against it? Why would he be? Everything confused Bam up to this point and he was sick of it. He emptied his mind of all thoughts, cleared his heart of any emotions. He hadn't realized that he had fallen back asleep until Missy shook him.

"Babe!"

"Huh?"

"It's 12am! We had to be ready by 9!"

"What?! Fuck it Missy you're the one that's SUPPOSED to get up on time!"

"Well I slept in, alright!"

Bam jumped up and stripped, running into the shower.

"Fuck." he whispered through the streams of water. "Today's the day."

Bam had been laughing all day, smiling, thanking people for the 'congratulations dude' that he kept getting. He had put on an act, forcing himself to believe that he really was happy. After a while, it actually worked. He felt happy. Was it because everyone else seemed to be that way?

"Hey babe, promise me you won't get drunk before the ceremony."

"You DO know there's alcohol EVERYWHERE--"

"Don't touch it. Please. At least until you say 'I do' alright?"

Bam grinned. "Yeah. I'm going to skip through the vows, yell out 'I do' while your just half way down the aisle and run off to go drink a bottle of Jack Daniels."

"Bam!"

Bam hugged her.

"I promise."

Bam stood at the alter, smiling, waiting for Missy. He couldn't help feel nervous as he saw Missy come in, walking gracefully down the aisle. God was it slow. Bam felt the impatience rising, he was going to throw up if he stood there any longer. He looked up at the glow of the two candles on the unity table. He couldn't help look around at the crowd of people, scanning for who he knew wasn't there.

But Bam really needed him to be there.

"The candles on either ends that were lit by both of their moms represent their two lives up to this point, being separate in all the challenges they've both seen and lived through and as they both take a candle, they'll light the unity candle together, symbolizing their lives now as one." Bam stared as the candles flickered, the flames dancing. _'I can't do this Ville.' _He thought and he wondered why in he was directing his thoughts to Ville.

Bam and Missy walked up to the table and each picked up a candle. His own candle's flame was dying out. Bam felt his hand shaking, almost dropping it. He tightened his grip, and lowered it to the bigger candle along with Missy's and cringed…

Then the door burst open and both candles blew out before they lit.

Everyone turned their heads, looking back, gasps and whispers.

Ville Valo stood at the end of the aisle.

Bam dropped the candle onto the floor, a small stream of smoke came up before it faded away.

Everyone was chattering away at the spectacle.

"…Ville?" Bam's voice came shaky.

At that, everyone went dead silent.

Ville had a look of desperation on his face, his mouth was slightly open, trying to get words out.

The tension coming from the crowd wasn't making it any easier for Ville. There were tons of people, all looking at him, all silent, motioning him to say something. Anything. But as Ville stared at Bam, standing there frozen next to Missy who seemed to have a similar reaction as the crowd, he couldn't say any of the millions of sentences that were buzzing around in his head. His stomach ached, and he wondered why he ever ran away from the hospital in the first place. He decided to make something up. Apologize for his interruption and go sit somewhere in the way back, pretending to have shown up late to see Bam get married, and for that alone. He had the lie in his head, but what came out of his mouth was completely different.

"I…..I love you Bam!"

Ville bit his lip, his mind scolding him for saying it. There was no reaction from the crowd, and Ville started to prey that nobody heard him.

Bam though, his facial expression changed. Ville could already tell that Bam had heard. Ville started to back away towards the door. _'turn and run dammit.'_ he thought to himself.

"Wait!" Bam called out to him.

Ville froze.

Bam started to walk up the aisle towards him. Everyone watched, confused, amazed, a sea of emotions. Bam was smiling, looking down at the floor trying not to look up at the faces.

He stopped in front of Ville and looked up at him.

Then a smile spread across his lips.

Ville blinked, and before he knew it they were running out the door, leaving behind a mob of disbelief.

Ville couldn't help but smile too.


	4. Survival

**(A/N) Sorry it took so long. Brain stopped, and I decided to just start writing and see where it took me. Hope I did well. Honestly, this is NOT one of my favorite chapters, I feel I could have done better. It's quite a dissapointment. Also, Sorry if you have suffered memory loss and need to go back and re-read a bit, but trust me, this chapter is still going to be here waiting for you to read it if you do so happen choose to do so. Don't let that ruin it. Reviews? Appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: (throwing one in here incase you forget) I do not own any of the characters in this story. Bam belongs to himself, Ville belongs to himself, as goes for any other characters portrayed in this story. Well, except for the cats which belong to Bam and Missy. Please understand that this story as well as my other stories are strictly fictional and although there are realistic and even true facts taken from actual events (for example, in the last chapter, the vows are actually the vows used in Bam and Missy's wedding) the story is subjected to be fictional and there are obviously untrue details and events in this story. For example, I don't believe that Ville's actually going through an eating dissorder. Understand that it is not always easy to seperate fact from fiction, so don't take my word on anything. I apologize for this stupidly long disclaimer and Author notes, and i'll let you get to reading lol.**

**Happy Readings all!**

Bam's mind was running faster than he was, a mixture of emotions that he couldn't make out. Bam could barely see the road ahead of him, but that didn't really matter. He wasn't sure where they were going to go, but one thing was for sure, he had to go somewhere unexpected. THEY had to go somewhere unexpected. After a while, Ville had started to look back every few seconds, completely mortified by what was going on. He didn't ask Bam where they were going which only made it clear that Ville too had no idea what to do now. Now that Bam had ran out on his own wedding.

Bam's hand was shaking as he opened the room door. They had settled on a nearby hotel in a half delusional state of mind. They stood motionless for a minute, neck deep in discomfort. Ville quietly sat down on the small couch of the large suite and fumbled around for a cigarette. _"Oh god, oh god, oh god." _Ville lit up, trying to keep from hyperventilating.

Bam slowly sat down next to Ville. He sat still for a moment, staring off at nothing. Ville wondered what was running through the mind of the man that just happened to be sitting a little too close, that made him drop his cigarette onto the floor and the flame burn out and made his face start to burn, oh god, was his face burning…

"Can I have one?" Bam asked.

Ville jumped at the sound of his voice. He stared at Bam for a second trying to process what just came out of his mouth.

"Ah.. Oh!" Ville fumbled his hand back into his pocket and took out the pack. Then he stopped himself.

"Bam… I thought you were having smoking problems. You really shouldn't be smoking--"

"And I thought you were having health problems. You really shouldn't be out of the hospital." Bam countered heatedly. Ville tried to put up a stuborn front. Bam didn't give up; Unexpectedly he smiled attractively and Ville felt himself blush harder.

"_My god, he's tricking me into it. He's actually SEDUCING me…? Oh god, why does he have to know…"_

Ville sighed and handed the pack over. "How dare you use your charm." Ville whispered with a faint smile.

Bam smiled to himself. _"So… he DOES… have feelings for me."_

The tension between the two was inevitable, but as the smoke filled their lungs it gradually started to subside. Even still, they couldn't come to talking about anything and they remained in silence, the two of them mentally having conversations with each other that they may never come around to actually having. Emotions were running wild, and they could feel each other's pain just by the aura around them. Bam's mind was fast forwarding again, from the days he spent with Missy, the quarrels, the smiles, the laughter and even more, the horrible feeling in his stomach that told him that he didn't want all that, _any_ of it….

Bam jumped as his pocket let out a loud ring. _"Oh fuck, it's Missy."_ Bam thought as he tried to keep his hand from shaking long enough to get the phone out. The screen blared "Ry". Bam started to remember the time that he had put Ryan Dunn's number in. He had been too drunk to remember Ryan's full name and all he could remember was what he always liked to call him…

"Are you going to answer that?" Ville snapped him back to reality. Bam speechlessly answered it, listening to the silent background on the other end. He couldn't make out anything.

"H-hello? Ry is that you?" Bam squeaked and then cleared his throat.

There was a cough and whispering then Ryan seemed to turn back to the phone. "Hey Bam. Where the fuck ARE you?"

Bam frowned. 'Who the fuck's with you Dunn?"

"What?"

"There's someone else there, I heard it dammit. Is that--?"

Ryan paused. "No, it's not Missy, she left sobbing."

Bam felt his stomach sink. He was about to ask where exactly it was she left from."Who the hell's with you then?"

"Give me the phone!" came a distant voice from Ryan's end of the phone. The familiar voice of Novak. "No, I'm talking to him." Ryan whispered back.

"Hello?!" Bam called out, slightly annoyed.

"Look Bam, she went back to you're house, I don't know. I think she's packing up. I'm driving, here with Novak. I'm just a few houses down. If you want we could go in and talk to her--"

Bam quickly hung up the phone before he let himself cry.

It got to him. Bam couldn't stop dreading the fact that he had no idea what to do anymore. He had completely lost control of everything. He wasn't sure where to go, what to say, how to react. It was too much to bare. He was so used to always being in charge, always knowing exactly what to do, or at least what he _wanted _to do. He grinded the butt of his cigarette into his knee, crushed it in a fist and threw it onto the floor before he buried his face into his hands and submerged into the darkness where he let his frustrations leak. _"What am I going to do, what am I going to DO?!" _

Bam jumped as he felt Ville wrap his arms around him and draw him in. This only made him spill out his emotions more, a sense of release in the warmth of Ville's arms.

"Fuck, I don't.. know what I'm going to do Ville… I -I can't go back home any…m-more.. Missy… Missy's going to be mad.. I can't fucking stop smoking… and I…AH! Fuck, just get me a razorblade dammit!" He choked out.

"Bam.. It's going to be alright." Ville coaxed. "Look," he said with the gentlest voice. "you're going to have to go back home. It's fated. Bam, it's only going to hurt if you _make _it hurt."

"I know, but Missy… she's going to be so mad, and I don't even know why the fuck I'm so scared Ville!"

"I'll go with you," Ville whispered. "and I promise, if it all breaks down…"

Bam could feel a smile twitch across Ville's face just by the tone of his voice.

"You can run back into my arms."

Bam felt himself melt as Ville whispered "I promise."

Bam's worries and fears actually started to subside at those words. It made him blush and just confused him. He felt safety in those arms, like he never ever felt with anybody else before.Bam felt the last of his tears start to desiccate and he actually felt himself smile. _"Maybe a feeling of safety was what I needed all along."_

Then, startling Bam, Ville stiffened in distress before he let out a pained cry.

Ville looked up at Bam's worried face. The sirens and rapid movement weren't making it any easier on his splitting stomach, the pain that was now spreading to his entire body. Ville closed his eyes and started to pray. _"please. Not now. I promised Bam I'd be there for him… I can't leave now." _Ville felt the soft skin of Bam's fingers sweep across his hand, then wrap around it. Ville's eyes shot open with the alarm of Bam taking his hand into his own. Bam gave Ville's hand a gentle squeeze. Ville looked up at his face, confused.

"Hey Ville?"

Ville responded by blinking.

"I'll be here. For you. I promise."

It was 1am. Bam was sitting in the same seat of the emergency room waiting area that he had been sitting in for five hours straight. He had watched various people come in, bloody and screaming. Bam had watched them all in disgust. _"They can't possibly be in as much pain as Ville." _He had even watched a few of those people leave soon afterwards, with mere bandages, and spit profanity at them under his breath, cursing them for getting to leave happily while doctors were puncturing a blade into Ville's sensitive abdomen and slicing his flesh open in hopes to bring his dying body back to life. Spilling his sweet blood. When Bam wasn't agitated and mad at the world he found himself crying without noticing until some sick pitying soul came to ask him if he was alright.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He had actually said in one of these situations.

"I'm sorry.. You were crying and I was wondering if you needed something." said a sickle old lady.

Bam wiped at his eyes alarmed. "Oh fuck, I'm crying?!"

The woman had left in a hurry afterwards, labeling him as insane and possibly contagious. Or at least that's what Bam figured she was thinking. He had stopped caring that he was crying in public not long afterwards and it wasn't a surprise that people stayed well away from him. He wanted to be left alone anyways, so it was a big relief that he didn't have to deal with people's shit. He had never thought himself as being too religious but there was nothing else he could do. He closed his eyes and started to pray.

Ville opened his eyes noticing first that he was no longer holding Bam's hand and then the annoying beeping that was narrating his breathing. His body felt completely numb and he could only move his head and arms. He was once again, in a hospital. He was no longer warring a shirt and his stomach was wrapped, blood slightly seeping through white bandages. His pants were undone. He couldn't help feel raped. _"What did they DO to me?"_

A nurse made her way in as soon as she noticed he was up.

"Hello. Your obviously confused, do you know where you are dear?"

"In a hospital." Ville said matter-of-factly.

"Are you aware of why you are--"

"Stomach. Dying. Ambulance…" Ville's eyes light up. "Bam! where's Bam?"

"Yes, you just had surgery done on your stomach. We had a professional plastic surgeon that happened to be in the building do some work, and he was courteous to your abdomen tattoo and made the incision above it, but he's the best plastic surgeon in our state, lucky you, and he's done miraculous work so I assure you there won't be any scaring."

"_Professional plastic surgeon? Oh my god, these people know who I am." _Ville sighed at his thoughts.

The nurse babbled on about keeping Ville's "Image".

"Where's Bam?!" Ville's face became agitated.

"Are you feeling alright?" The nurse asked, obviously a bit alarmed at how he was acting. Ville sighed, knowing that if he continued on like this he wasn't going to get any answers. Worse, the nurse could think there was still something wrong with him and send him back into surgery.

He put on a fake smile and tried to look as charming as a dying bloody man with unbuttoned jeans could.

"Yes, I'm feeling quite fine. May I ask; can I have visitors ma'am?"

The nurse was obviously flattered to some degree and smiled shyly.

Ville raised an eyebrow, completely shocked that the flattering worked. He figured it must have rubbed off from Bam.

The nurse had finally came to talk to Bam as Bam was ripping pages out of a magazine, disgusted by the smiling happy people in them. The nurse told him he was out of surgery and awake but couldn't see any visitors until he was stable enough to handle excitement. Bam wasn't sure what the nurse even meant by that and he muttered about how stupid it was that she even bothered to tell Bam and then _not _let him in. Bam had to see to believe because doctors let people down so many times…

A few phones at the receptions desk started to ring all at once and a few nurses started to flutter around, running into each other in a mess of chaos.

"Yes, he's shouting up a storm and disturbing the other patients.. The doctors can't even concentrate while their taking blood samples!" came the worried words of a nurse.

"Their taking blood samples from _him?!_ Who gave those orders, it's completely unnecessary!"

"No, not him, the other patients!"

"Dr., he's still shouting!"

"Sedate him!"

"He just got out of surgery and he's still on anesthesia, we were advised to give him no further medication because we don't know how his body will react to being tranquilized! It might be fatal!"

"Do it!"

"It's unsafe and completely irrational!"

"Well what does he _want?! _Is he delusional?!"

"He's quite energetic for someone who just came out of surgery."

"Are the drugs getting him excited?"

"I say the nurse was much too chipper with him."

"I was just being polite!"

"You were _FLIRTING!_"

"How do you flirt with a man in that state?"

"SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Delusional you said Dr. May?"

"Well yes. He might be delusional, I'm not sure but he's calling for a "Bam" sir?"

Bam jumped at his name and in realization that it was Ville who was stirring up the commotion.

"What's a Bam?"

Bam stood up, took in a breath and stepped forward.

Ville glanced at the clock. It was 3am. They had kept Ville at the hospital an extra day, just for observation and this time Bam had refused to leave. Ville wasn't sure if it was Bam's stubbornness or the fact that the nurses probably knew who he was and feared any lawsuits, but Bam was able to get his way with the medical staff. It was so like Bam; he got whatever the fuck he wanted. Now, Bam was in an agitated sleep in a small couch-type chair that pulled out into a small bed. Ville found himself once again sleepless, and sighed. He had hoped to get sleep in the hotel, but that was a lost cause, long forgotten. There was something comforting about thinking of morning. A new day.

It was a sunny morning, and still, according to Bam, it was freezing cold outside. Somehow though, Ville found it suitable.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to go get some breakfast? Can your stomach put up with it? Are you tired? Fuck, I forgot about that…. Do you want to go get some rest somewhere?" Bam's face glowed in excitement. He had gotten exceptionally hyper now that Ville had been released from the hospital surprisingly healthy, with nothing more than a small bottle of pills. Bam was raging with energy, worried and happy at the same time. It was too much for Ville, but Ville couldn't stop smiling. Bam was unbearably adorable when he was like this. It was nice to see Bam smile for a change, especially after all he had gone through. After all, he was going through tons of problems. He had ran away from his own wedding so he would have media all over him once the news got out. It was surprising that it hadn't already. He had to face all his family and friends, and not to mention Missy. How was he going to go back home to face all that? How was he going to face the _world?_ Still, Ville was more than happy with the fact that god had somehow decided to give Ville another chance at living, given Ville the opportunity to get Bam through it all. There was no doubt that Ville would make sure Bam got out of all this. He would fix everything.

"Ville?"

Ville looked up at Bam, suddenly aware that Bam had asked him something he'd missed.

"Where to?" Bam smiled.

Ville couldn't think straight enough to figure that out. Bam caught on quickly and started suggesting things.

"Uh.. the hotel? You look like you need sleep."

Ville smiled at the thought of a warm bed and gladly accepted. They walked out of the hospital to the already waiting taxi.

Ville hadn't known how tired he really was until they got out of the taxi and his body started to give in. He held onto Bam for support, who patiently slowed his pace to help Ville stumble his way to the room. Ville fell onto the bed and quickly fell into a deep sleep, not even bothering to kick off his shoes.

Bam woke up next to Ville, squinting in the light of the sun barely rising. His head was throbbing and an out of place image of a cat came into mind. _"Why the fuck am I imagining cats--"_

"Oh my god, the cats!"

Ville jumped at the sound of Bam's voice. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at Bam who was pressing buttons on his cell phone.

"Come on, somebody pick up." Bam pleaded.

Ville sat up. "what's wrong?"

"The cats!"

Ville stared at Bam with curiosity.

"If Missy left, she left the cats and if she left them alone, nobody's fed them and they're DEAD!" Bam cried.

"Calm down--"

"The candles!!! The damn candles! We never blew them out!!!"

"calm down Bam--"

"NOW MY CATS ARE BURNING CORPSES!!!!"

Bam threw the phone into a wall and started to panic through tears.

"Bam--"

"And we all KNOW Gwar is going to start being a pain in the ass and singing some ANNOYING song about cats being on fire!!!"

Ville let Bam blabber on for a minute before he threw himself at Bam, wrapping his arms around him.

"Let's take you back home."

Bam felt like an idiot worrying about the dumbest shit but he couldn't help it. In reality though, he couldn't take the guilt and curiosity anymore. He had to go back. He had to go see if Missy had left yet, if there was a mob of angry people, if his cats were on fire. If anything had gone back to normal.

He pressed his face against the cool glass of the taxi, looking out at the world that was nothing more than a blur. What was it going to be like? He wanted to turn back, the coward he was, but he couldn't do that in front of Ville. He had to put on a brave front and just deal with it.

They stood outside of castle Bam, watching the stillness as if expecting the door to burst open, for something to fly out the window. Anything. But there was nothing. Ville turned to look at Bam who had frozen in place. Bam wouldn't take his eyes off the front door, and it didn't look like he was up to it anymore. He was backing down.

"Come on Bam."

Bam didn't respond.

"I'll be right there." Ville offered.

Bam backed away a few feet, a look of fear painted across his face. His brave front had completly dissolved and he was more than embarrassed, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Ville watched Bam in desperation, wanting so bad to make that fear go away. He watched hopelessly until he decided to do something about it.

Ville stood in front of Bam, blocking his view of the house. Bam was still looking in the same direction, as if he was looking directly through Ville. Ville grabbed Bam's face in his hands and tilted it up a bit until Bam's eyes met his own.

"Look at me Bam!" he said forcefully but still with a sense of sweetness.

Bam looked at him, but Ville's eyes were burning his and he had to look away. Ville made a sound of frustration. "Bam!"

Bam tried to tear away from Ville but his grasp was too strong and Bam felt like Jell-O. Bam gave up and looked up at Ville. Ville's eyes changed, softening.

"Whatever you see inside, whatever you don't see, I'm going to be right there, two inches away from you, even if Missy comes at me with a butcher knife. You understand? I'm not letting anything happen to you and nothing's going to go wrong." Ville whispered gingerly.

Bam nodded in Ville's grasp, fighting back the tears.

Ville's eyes became smoldered, and Bam knew that Ville was trying to fight back whatever he was feeling for Bam.

"_I can't take it anymore!"_

"I…I'm sorry." Ville whispered.

Bam stiffened as Ville's soft lips pressed against his own, making his mind go numb. Bam felt himself drifting into another place, somewhere far from here. Away from reality.

Ville pulled away. "You have to go in now." Ville whispered although his desire for Bam was burning in his eyes and voice.

Bam couldn't help think it. _"No. That wasn't enough."_

Ville was already walking, leading Bam to the door. Bam took in a breath. He grabbed Ville's arm and spun him around. Ville was taken by surprise as Bam grabbed his face and pulled it into his own, kissing him hard. Bam felt a sense of relief when Ville started to kiss back. This would have to do.

Finally content, Bam pulled away. He took in another deep breath. "Fuck it, let's just get this over with."

Inside it was surprisingly cold. The thermostat had been turned off completely and everything looked oddly the same, even though something was missing. They could both feel it. They knew what it was. Trouble, one of Bam's two cats who had grown surprisingly big and slightly overweight over the years peeked out as soon as they shut the door, strolling his way to Bam's feet. He looked much thinner than Bam had remembered although he distinctly remembered being gone only a couple of days. He picked up the cat and closed his eyes, burying his nose in it's soft fur. "Sorry," he whispered. "it's just you and me now."

Bam had been right. Missy was gone. Everything seemed in place until he got up to his room, inspecting the damage. Every trace of her was gone, her clothes, shoes. Inside the bathroom it looked empty, all her cosmetics and toiletries gone. She even took that pink bar of soap that she never used that Bam always complained about. He couldn't help feeling torn at the thought of her leaving, even though he was filled with relief that she was no longer there.

Ville sat quietly on the couch staring at the black TV screen, listening to the scuffling noises of Bam upstairs, looking through drawers and cabinets and closets. Then there was a knock on the front door.

Ville jumped up, looking over at the stairs, but Bam apparently did not hear it. Ville sighed and walked over to the door, cautiously opening it.

"That boy never fixes that doorbell…Ville?" April said in surprise.

"Greetings." Ville smiled, just as surprised as she.

April walked in. "Ville! How are you!"

It was so like April to be chipper. "I'm quite alright."

"I thought you were in the hospital a while before the wed--" April stopped herself. "Well, you know." She whispered.

Ville stared at her in disbelief. Here she was, being completely nice to the man who had crashed her son's wedding and took him off somewhere for who knows how long…

"It's alright." April said, with a faint smile, as if she knew what Ville was thinking. "He wasn't ready."

Bam started to come down the stairs. "MOM?!"

Ville smiled at the childish scoff that came from Bam. He had never referred to her as "Mom" in front of anyone.

April too seemed amused.

"I did like her a lot… but it's about who _Bam's_ happy with." April whispered to Ville before Bam got to April. Ville frowned and hoped that that "who" that she was talking about was him.

"Ape, what the _fuck _are you doing here?!"

"I've been coming here for the last three days to see if you'd be here yet!" April said with a slightly annoyed tune.

"Nobody asked you to come check on me!"

April smiled. "I was worried about my boy." She pouted, hugging Bam.

April started to walk towards the door, before she stopped and came back to give her son a goodbye hug. She went and gave Ville a hug too, before walking out the door. Then there was silence.

"That wasn't too bad." Ville said encouragingly to Bam.

Bam walked over to the chimney, the mantel place to where there were six white candles, still flickering. He blew them out, one flame still surviving.

He glanced at Ville before turning back to the candle, burning it out with his bare fingers.

"It's only just begun."

**A/N Suggestions? Comments? Review please.**


	5. Lust

**This chapter in POV form to better portray the character's emotions. Sorry for the wait. Review please.**

**Ville**

I sat alone in Bam's kitchen, struggling to eat breakfast. I couldn't help trying to do it while Bam was still asleep; I had become a bit self conscious of my eating habits and I was not pleased at the thought of Bam being here while I tried to eat, watching me fail. If I wanted to stay here on Earth, I had to eat something. Even if it required getting up before the sun. A bowl of cereal. How hard would that be? I frowned at the bowl. I had stalled far too long; it was mush now. I scolded myself for letting Bam's cereal go to waste and decided to try to eat it anyways. I shoved a spoonful in my mouth…

And spit it back out in mortal disgust.

Oh god it was awful.

I cringed, looking around for something to take away the strange bitter taste.

I sighed as I settled for a cup of coffee. It was neither food nor healthy but it at least had the capability of filling my stomach to some degree. It took away the cereal taste. I'd get to eating food later. I then remembered that tomorrow I had to go back to the hospital for a check up, and more pills. I glanced at the bottle on the counter that I hadn't opened yet. I threw it in a drawer where I could no longer see the depressing thing, and smiled.

I hummed to myself, giddy with excitement just by looking around. I was in Bam's house. I had always loved his house. It was warm and homey, even if it had an empty castle appearance to it. Still, I couldn't help notice I was more giddy now that Bam had no woman upstairs.

It all felt so wrong, to think such a way. How could I be happy to be in Bam's house, after I ruined his wedding and got rid of his wife? It was selfish…

but I couldn't help it.

I wanted him so bad.

I nearly spilled my coffee on myself when I saw him coming down the stairs. My heart raced. Bam. He was taking his time trudging down the stairs, the sleep still visible in his eyes, his hair a soft-looking mess. He wasn't warring a shirt. I stiffened. It wasn't that I hadn't seen him shirtless before. He had been shirtless countless times, and it was easier to imagine him shirtless than imagine him actually warring a shirt. Still, this never took away from the fact that my face would burn irritably every time I saw large amounts of his bare skin. I tried looking away to hide my face, that was possibly flushed red by now, but I couldn't help notice that something was different. I dared to look at him again. I looked him up and down as he stopped before me a second to yawn.

'_He's wearing pants'._

I pressed my lips into a thin line, trying to hide the smile that was leaking out at the sound of those words in my head. I couldn't contain it, therefore I resorted to hiding it with my hand. I shook my head at the inside joke. It was a strange site to see him in pants, truly it was. When I stayed here for a night or two with the band, on bloody H.I.M. tours that left us exhausted beyond our wildest dreams, Bam would usually come down the stairs in his boxers and prance around and shake his ass when he thought nobody was looking. He had always been so comfortable with himself. I turned my head to stare as he walked past me, admiring the soft looking material of his long black sweat pants that swished just a bit with the slight movement of his hips. It was a wonder that he hadn't tripped on the dragging fabric yet. I tore my eyes off of him finally, and proceeded to greeting him.

"Good morning." I said to my coffee. The image of him dancing in his boxers was still fresh in my head and I couldn't look at him.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Morning." He said absently, rummaging around cupboards.

I looked up at him and realized, to my amusement, that he wasn't fully awake. He was walking around like a mindless zombie, completely unaware of what exactly he was doing. He picked out a cup and set it down on the counter. He poured cereal as he stood there, aiming for the cup, which ended up spilling everywhere on the counter _but _the cup. I got out of my chair and quickly ran up to him, taking the box away. He threw his arms around my neck, drowsily hanging on me, causing me to spill the box all over the floor.

"Wille Walo!" He said with a smile, his eyes closed.

I had known that he was a messy drunk, but I hadn't been aware that he was like this in the morning as well.

"Bam love, you need more rest."

I blinked in amazement at the word of endearment I had used. _Love. _It sounded nice. I shook it away, and for once I was glad Bam was too out of it to pay attention to me.

"Sorry." I whispered to him anyways. I wasn't entitled to calling him things. I hadn't earned it yet. He stared at me curiously, asking me what the hell I was talking about with his eyes. I smiled and picked him up in my arms. He didn't hesitate, and I'm fairly sure he didn't even _notice_. I stood for a minute, pondering my options. There was the couch, and there was the rooms upstairs. I wondered whether I should put him back in his own bed or in a guest bed. As far I was concerned, he hadn't slept in his own bed ever since before the wedding, and I wasn't going to mess that up for him yet. I sighed, taking in the sight of my dearest Bam as he nestled into me and fell asleep. I wanted to keep holding him, I decided. I was leaving soon, and just for once, I wanted to savor him to the last minute. A couple more hours and I would leave, causing him no more troubles. There wasn't a possible way I could screw his life up from Finland, or wherever it was the road took me. I walked over to the couch and sat down slowly, trying not to disturb him.

**Bam**

The instant I woke up, I knew there was something up. It didn't feel right. The material of whatever was on my body keeping me warm wasn't the material of any of the blankets I had. It felt like a coat. I didn't get what was going on until I really opened my eyes and saw that I was downstairs…

"_Oh… crap."_

My eyes widened when I finally figured it out. I had been asleep, resting my head on Ville's lap on the couch. I thought he was sleeping for a minute by how he wasn't moving at all. I felt him cringe, and I was sure he was awake.

"Hey Ville," I said, not bothering to sit up. To hell with it. It felt nice on Ville's lap. "How'd I get down here?" I asked casually.

"Your awake?" Ville sounded surprised. "Ah, you woke up in the morning like a messy drunk--"

"Oh, right."

"You've done it before?" Ville asked in amusement.

"Yeah… I do that a lot. Missy used to wake me up before I even got out of the room… I'd always end up tripping down the stairs. Last time I nearly smashed my skull open--" I stopped there, not wanting to remember. Ville understood. He quickly changed the subject.

"Your cereal tastes horrible." He muttered.

I chuckled darkly. "I didn't know you were the cereal type."

"I wasn't," Ville said flatly. "and I don't think I ever will be."

I smiled at his eating habits, trying to picture him eating cereal. I didn't notice it at first, but I was gently stroking his knee. He didn't seem to mind too much, and I didn't really give a damn anymore about the awkwardness. It felt nice too. I moved down a bit and stroked his leg, just a bit, and he twitched, as he suddenly got agitated. I didn't like making him uncomfortable but I had just decided a minute ago that I didn't care if he, or I, was, so I kept doing it anyways. He calmed after a bit.

We kept in silence for what seemed like forever. He didn't move and I kept stroking his leg, admiring it openly.

After a while, Ville tensed again. "Maybe I should be leaving now." He said. I finally sat up.

"What? Why?" I asked too fast.

"I've overstayed my welcome." He said simply.

"You can't leave!" I frowned.

He got up anyways, and started heading up the stairs for his things. I grabbed his arm.

"No!"

Ville looked at me, torn for a minute. His eyes grew cold. "I'm destroying everything." He whispered. He shrugged his arm out of my grasp and was already going up the stairs.

"Ville!" I called, but he stubbornly ignored me.

No. No. _No! _He couldn't leave. I wouldn't let him.

He was already shuffling around upstairs, and I wondered how'd he'd gotten there so fast. I must have been frozen in shock for too long. I ran up the stairs, two steps at a time. He hadn't brought many things. He was already heading out of the guest room.

"Stop!"

I startled him and he dropped his things. I shoved him back into the guest room and locked the door behind me. I pushed him too hard I noticed; he fell onto the floor and was looking up at me in shock.

"Don't leave." I pleaded. I stalked in front of the door, making it impossible to get out. He noted this, and for some reason that made him want to get out more. He stood up and tried to push me aside. I stood my ground before him.

**Ville**

I tried to look fierce, really I did, but it wasn't even fooling me. I felt the fake expression on my face slipping, as I realized I was standing much to close to him, in a locked room. _"god, this feels so WRONG!" _I nearly blushed. I knew where this might lead; It had happened to me before. I stayed as far away as I could from the bed, I could already see the intense desire in his eyes. I couldn't grow attached to him like that and have to leave him the next morning, sneaking away as he slept, or worse, I couldn't stand the thought of being used…And then thrown away. Could I over power him if he tried to get me onto that bed? No, I was too weak to shove him off if he happened to get on top of me…

I shoved at him again, more desperate to leave than before. He wobbled just a bit, but managed to return to his position blocking the door. I cursed.

"What the fuck? Why are you leaving now?!" He demanded.

I clenched my teeth. I was getting impatient and the mood on my face started to feel more real. I grabbed his shoulders.  
"Bam, don't you _understand?_! I shouldn't be around you! I'm doing awful things to you! Look...You're covered in my tattoos! You started drinking more because of me! You started smoking because of me! You more than likely got the razorblade idea from me, and I destroyed your wedding! Doesn't that _matter_ to you?!"

His eyes flickered, but he suddenly looked a bit frightened. He blinked hard and I noticed he was fighting back tears. My heart sunk. Had I really been too harsh? I loosened my grip from his shoulders a bit, but I didn't know how to let go.

"Ville…" he looked up at me and a smile twitched onto his face. "Are you going to leave me to fix my problems on my own?"

"I stole your innocence." I whispered. "You were just an innocent skate kid before you met me."

"You didn't do anything but steal my heart." He muttered.

I cringed at the words.

"I just don't what to damage you more…"

"Stop." He interrupted me. He unlaced my hands off his shoulders, but kept a tight grip on them, not letting them go. _"No, no, no… please don't do this to me." _my hands grew cold in his, even though his were remarkably warm and pleasant.

"God dammit Ville." He said, a slight bit amused. "_you _didn't do any damage at all, it was all me. Fuck, you saved me from making the worst mistake in my life! I wasn't happy with Missy, I was just too afraid to call it off at the last minute. You made me happy, and I can't solve all these problems. Not alone, I can't."

I thought about it.

Could I risk braking him more to fix how damaged he already was?

I looked down at his hands holding mine.

"Please?" He whispered. "Stay. For a little longer. I'm… scared." He admitted, looking down shyly.

He looked back up at me with a forced smile. I could see the fear in his eyes, he wasn't lying. I smiled.

"I didn't want to leave anyways."

**Bam**

I was so relieved when he said that he would stay longer. I felt so greedy, so wrong, but there was nothing I could do about being a wussy. I dropped his hands, suddenly embarrassed at how much I wanted him here, how much I begged. I just couldn't handle the stress of the world weighing down on me on my own. I needed his arms to run into more than ever now. I was too pushy, but he assured me he was staying by his own free will. I still wasn't too sure whether he was lying to me or not. I was afraid that he might disappear as soon as I turned my back. He understood this, and let me sit on the guest bed to watch him unpacked his things. He finished and turned to look at me, a smile spreading across his face.

"So master, what now?" He joked.

I laughed. "Your not a _prisoner _here, you know."

Ville put on a straight face. "Alright. Goodbye." He waved and headed towards the door.

"stop!" I called after him instinctively. I even knew he was joking and I still freaked. I turned red.

'I'm not leaving." Ville chuckled. "I wouldn't dare."

"I know…it just feels like you're going to jump out of a window or vanish into thin air…"

"_fuck, what if I'm dreaming?!" _

"oh my god, this is a dream! You're not really here! I'm imagining things." I stared at him hard.

He walked up to me. "If I were a dream, or a nightmare rather, then you wouldn't feel this, correct?"

He took my hands in his, stroking them, in awe with my skin.

"I can still be imagining that." I frowned. I really thought I was dreaming now, it was all so surreal. I mean, running out from a wedding with Ville, taking him to get surgery, bringing him back home, keeping him captive… it sounded like the type of dream I usually would get after getting wasted.

Wasted. When was the last time I did that? Probably not long ago if I was imagining all this…

He leaned towards me and gave me a peck on the lips, his soft lips barely touching mine. He didn't back away, and remained inches from my face. "was that real enough for you?"

I still wasn't even sure if it was real, but instinct and desire took over. I grabbed him, my hands in his soft mess of hair, pulling his face into mine. I greedily kissed him hard, wild with desire. He hadn't missed a beat, he was kissing me back, and that made the kiss even more unbearably good. I couldn't stop. My hands were running all across him now, feeling down his smooth face, his soft neck, outlining his collar bone, gripping onto his perfect shoulders. He stopped kissing me, going stiff as I embraced him, but I willed him to continue on. My hands ran down his chest, and I felt his throbbing heart, going insane. My hands returned to his face quickly, fuck did I love his face. It felt so right…

**Ville**

This was what I was trying to avoid. I had seen the lust in his eyes before I had given him the small kiss. I could have guessed right away that kissing him like that would have gotten a rise out of him, made him go wild. And it did. It was stupid of me to kiss him even when I knew he would react in such a way, but I couldn't help it. I craved for him as much as he seemed to crave for me at the moment, and I took the first opportunity I could find. I knew it was wrong, to grow attached, to bring love and lust into our friendship. Things wouldn't be the same anymore, and it would be harder when he was gone. Whether I left out of my own will, to keep from doing anymore damage in his life, or if he just… dumped me. Either way, it was going to hurt too much when I lost him, and I knew that I would pay a price for this later. Wretched hormones. I had given in. It was Bam after all. How long had I wanted this? I had loved him since the day we met, I loved him far too much. I started to wonder if possibly _I _was the one dreaming, because here was the man, this beautiful man, of my very dreams and aspirations. No. My dreams did not compare to this. It was far beyond what I had imagined, and I was completely intoxicated. I couldn't help start to do what he was doing to me; running my hands across his perfect body, embracing him.

I had to stop.

I took my hands off of his still bare chest, and pulled away from his lips. Before he could do anything to stop me I was out the door and down the stairs.

I heard him close behind me. "Where are you going?!" He asked, still afraid that I'd leave him.

He cornered me in the living room.

"Bam, I can't get attached to you like that."

"Why not?" He asked, coming closer. I backed up into a wall.

"Ville, this is what you want, and this is what _I_ want."

"What if it doesn't work out." I whispered.

He stopped. He looked at me now, his eyes curious. "What?"

"I don't want you to use me and throw me away." I admitted with a whisper, looking down at the floor.

His lips spread into a smile. "Ville, I'm afraid of letting you out of my sight for a second, and your worried about me _dumping _you?! I wouldn't dare,"

He inched closer. "I want you bad." He whispered.

I searched his face, trying to find reason to doubt him. Trying to find the sign that read that he was lying, that he was unsure of what he wanted. The look in his eyes reflected nothing but how confident he was with his words.

He gave me a peck on the lips. "Is that sure enough for you?"

I nodded my head. "I love you Bam."

He wrapped his arms around me. "I love you too Ville."

We both jumped when the sharp ring cut through the air.

Bam dug for the cell phone in his pocket. "Hello?"

He listened for a second. "Oh, hey Ape."

April. Last I had seen her she was putting on a smile. I wondered then how real it was. I mean, I took Bam away from the wedding. Not to mention I was at his house the few days after the wedding when April visited. Of course it had to be awkward. But she seemed so kind and understanding about it. Could it be she just accepted the fact that maybe I was a little bit closer to Bam than she had thought before?

I shook away my thoughts and walked over to the couch where Bam was now laying.

He looked bored at whatever it was that Mrs. Margera was saying. I got on the couch next to him. Then I smiled. I crawled on top of him, gently pressing my lips against his cheek. After all, this was what we wanted. His eyes widened. He froze up a bit, and tried harder to listen to April. I pouted. The desire was taking over and I no longer wanted to deny myself of what I've wanted to do for so long. Waiting was not an option here. I bend down and pressed my lips against his, gently licking them. He nearly dropped the phone. He turned his face away. "Aw, yeah." Bam squeaked in response to something his mother had said. I smiled.

I rubbed my body against his, both of us hard now.

"I want you _now._" I whispered.

He bit his bottom lip. Mmm, his lip. I licked my own lips and went after his. He held a hand in front of his face, shielding himself long enough to tell April he had to go. I tried again and ended up on the floor. He looked down at me apologetically.

"sorry." He mouthed.

He said his final words of goodbye.

He pressed a button and dropped the phone onto the floor.

He got down on the floor and crawled over to where I had been dropped.

"There's something called patience. Have any?" he grinned.

"It's not my fault you had to be so hot right then." I said simply.

"Lying on the couch bored to tears on the phone with my _mother _looked _attractive_?" He asked in disbelief.

"You have no idea." I sighed in pleasure.

He jumped me then. He pushed me onto my back and positioned himself on top of me. He looked down at my face. "Then how attractive is _this?_" He asked curiously.

"Too attractive to bare." I whispered, pulling his body as close to mine as I could.

He pressed his warm lips against my own. His sweet, sweet lips. I was more than turned on at the moment, and surprisingly he seemed to be as well. He slipped his hands inside my shirt, feeling up my torso. I tried not to squirm at the tickle and instead focused on our moving lips. He pulled away for a second to pull my shirt off over my head, and attacked me again with his lips, a continuation to our long kiss. He was admiring my upper body graciously. He pulled away and tugged on my belt. I felt it loosen, unbuckling. He got my jeans undone. I kicked off my sneakers and socks before he proceeded to pulling off my jeans, stripping me down to my boxers. He was much easier to get undressed. He wasn't warring much but the soft black pants from this morning. He slipped out of them and kissed me hard.

**Bam**

Oh god he was beautiful. He looked up at me, his eyes wild with desire. He was getting impatient, looking at me with a pleading face, begging me to take him. His lust filled eyes sparkled when I rubbed against him.

I gently ran my finger across the few stitches he had on his stomach. He was so breakable. I made a mental note to be careful; I didn't want to hurt his sensitive stomach more. Still, knowing that he was so fragile was a thrill. He slapped my hand away and shielded his stitches with a hand. I rolled my eyes and went for something of more interest.

I started to slip the boxers off of him. He closed his eyes. We were both being shy.

I bend down and poked my tongue out, until the tip of my tongue met the head of his hard on. I moved my tongue in circles, grinning a bit at how bad I was teasing him. Ville closed his eyes tighter. I opened my mouth to let his hard on slid in. I heard a little gasp come from him as I sucked. He thrust a little and I sucked harder.

He was so good.

"Stop, stop." He pleaded, about to cum.

I turned him onto his stomach.

He knew more than I that it would hurt him.

I slipped two fingers into him first, to let him get used to it. He made sounds of both pleasure and dislike.

"Brace yourself." I warned. He tensed.

I thrust myself hard into him, trying to make getting inside him as painless as possible. He gasped.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

I grabbed his hips and started thrusting, moving in and out of my love.

We moaned at the strange sensation of pleasure, barely able to contain the sounds from getting too loud. There was nobody home but it all felt so wrong that we were afraid to be heard anyways. I went faster and he moaned my name, sending a chill down my spine. I suddenly loved my name right then. I was getting close to orgasm.

"Ah! Bam, I love you." He whispered.

And that triggered it. I released a steady flow of my warm cum into him. He gasped again, and he came too, sending another shiver down my spine.

Then, I heard the door slam.

I couldn't tell whether I was feeling guilty and hearing things. "What was that?" I whispered.

"What?"

"Oh fuck, I think I heard the door slam."

"Ignore it." He whispered.

"But--"

"OH MY GOD!!!"

My head snapped in the direction of the voice and I already knew I was busted. I was frozen in horror.

April.

**Yum. To be continued. Please review. Funny, the song Rendezvous With Anus (the HIM version) came on when I was editing this. Never heard it? Sex. That's all I have to say, lol.**


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